Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
