My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
