i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
