Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
