dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
