worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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