just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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