Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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