I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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