Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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