im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
