i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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