Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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