I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
