that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
