Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
