i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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