John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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