I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
