Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
