Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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