if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.