I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
