so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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