allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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