i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize