woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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