I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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