so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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