And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
