I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
