got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
