I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
