? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
not ubering you a puppy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
