We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
