I cannot find my penis.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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