Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
