final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
