I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
third nipple confirmed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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