it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
