I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
