The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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