Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
