He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This baby is an asshole
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I touched a dick in church today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
