I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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