Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
