drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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