I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
