Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
