Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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