maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
