We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
