three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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