i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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