dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
