i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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