I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
