you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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