Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
