I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
