I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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