I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
